Connor Shirley has his moments.
“I’ll be sitting in the tractor or getting the cows in, and it will hit me. My mind goes back to missing mum. I can’t even handle silence. If my mind’s not 100% occupied everything goes back to missing her.”
Connor’s mum, Melise Tilley, died in February 2023 just ten months after her leukaemia diagnosis.
Her cancer shocked everyone. When Melise went to the doctor in Takaka she thought she was low on iron. She never dreamed that four days later she would be in hospital in Christchurch, a city where she knew no one.
“That’s the bloody thing with those cancers … it just came so quick,” Blair Tilley says. But Blair says his little sister Melise just dealt with it.
“That’s the kind of person she was.”
Blair was the executor of Melise’s will, in which she left $10,000 to Rānui House. Noone in the family was surprised at her bequest. In fact, Connor reckons if it wasn’t for him and his younger brother Linden, his mum would have left everything she had to Rānui.
“Everything they did for her – wow – honest to god I can’t say enough about what they did. Rānui House pulled us out of a nasty, dark hole and shone a little bit of light into our lives,” Connor says.
Melise stayed at Rānui House for 212 nights while doing her best to beat leukaemia. Many family members and friends stayed with Melise during her time at Rānui. Her sister Kristin Tilley-Brown says as well as supporting Melise, they made memories.
“We had some fun – we really did. It’s a terrible reason to be there but we certainly created magical moments that I will never forget.”
Melise’s other sister Annette Tilley, who came from Australia to spend time with Melise at Rānui, remembers Melise organising the redecoration of her Takaka house while in her Rānui home.
“We laughed so much. She was such a hard worker, always busy,” Annette says.
Melise certainly worked hard, at times holding down two or three jobs to support her and her boys.
“Two boys on your own – it’s gotta be tough – but she did a wonderful job. She always gave us a bit of a laugh with stories about what they were getting up to,” Annette says.
Connor smiles, saying they weren’t the easiest kids.
“We were a handful, but Mum was the rock for me and my brother, helping us through all the teenage years, all the drama, break ups, mishaps, mistakes, silly things you do as a teenager. For her to reign us in was an accomplishment in itself,” 29-year-old Connor says.
Kristin says Melise always had her boys and her future in mind. And while she never foresaw how her life would be cut short, Kristin thinks Melise would be proud of how her family have honoured her legacy.
“If she had survived, she would have been donating what she could to Rānui House for the rest of her life – I know she would have. It just meant so much to her.”
Blair describes Rānui House as a haven.
“Before Melise got sick, we didn’t even know Rānui existed. But without it what the hell would Melise have done? What do people do? It’s just an amazing place.”
The Tilley family says Rānui was a safe place for Melise. She considered apartment 225 her Christchurch home and the people of Rānui her support crew. Particularly special to Melise was the mornings teas provided every Wednesday by volunteers.
“Melise was so into this. She made such an effort to get to every morning tea she could to connect and share stories with those going through similar situations. It was just another example of the unexpected support and kindness that Rānui provides,” Annette says.
By leaving a gift in her will to Rānui House, Kristin believes Melise has shown just how strongly she felt about Rānui and how lost she would have been without it.
“It’s not just the bricks and mortar – it’s the people. Not just the people in the office but the cleaners and the volunteers who bring in the baking and cook dinners … we just couldn’t get over how much support was wrapped around us.”
Blair remembers Melise’s last visit home.
“We had a good Christmas that year and it meant a lot to us, but I think Melise knew at the time that it was her last. Rānui was her space and she loved that particular apartment, and they were kind enough to make it available to her when she needed it. That meant a heck of a lot.”
The gift Melise left in her will to Rānui House has been recognised with sponsorship of apartment 225 – Melise’s special Christchurch home.
“That’s exactly the way she would have wanted that money spent, I’m sure of it,” Blair says.
Connor says while his mum was dealt a real “sucker punch” in the end, for Rānui to step in for her really turned her life around.
“Rānui changed her mentality and her outlook on life. The care and kindness she received from that place was incredible. I can’t say enough about how it positively impacted Mum’s life and the lives of our family.
“I know mum will be 100% happy where that money has gone. It’s such a special legacy for us to leave for her and I know our family’s connection with Rānui will continue for years to come.
“I hope that the next family that finds themselves in mum’s apartment, as unfortunate it is to be in that situation, will feel the same love and compassion as mum did when she was there. I hope it makes them believe, as it did for us, that humanity is actually alright.”
